Look, I do not relish making light of attempted murder. But sometimes you just need to write about a really crazy attempted murder.
A Brazilian woman has been accused of trying to kill her husband by putting poison in her vagina and asking him to have oral sex with her.
The intended victim — identified only as a 43-year-old man from Sao de Jose Rio Preto – knew something was going on when he noticed an unfamiliar odor coming from his wife’s freshly poisoned nether region.
But here’s the thing about vaginas, as this woman soon learned: They are very porous.
Realizing that his wife was probably absorbing a majority of the poison she had intended tokill him with, he brought her to the hospital and saved her life.
This guy! He is totally down to perform oral sex 24/7 and will generously rush you to the emergency room after you try to kill him. And they say chivalry is dead!
But he is nobody’s fool: Sources reveal the man intends to sue his wife for attempted murder.