Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Rita and Bob; Mensa List



Yes that IS Bob Levinson, highly-regarded novelist and former major music biz publicist. If Bob made a list of all the famous people he's met and known over the years you'd need two big packs of paper to run it off. Seriously.

--------------------Thanks to John Helfers and Marty Greenberg for sending me this Mensa List



This is the Washington Post's annual Mensa Invitational, which once
again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:


1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes
and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through
the day consuming only things that are good for you

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web. (I do this
in my garden often. Quite a sight. )

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that
gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half
a worm in the fruit you're eating.



The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings
for common words. And the winners are:

1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much
weight one has gained.

3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.

6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when
wearing only a nightgown.

7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone
who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. balderdash, n. a rapidly-receding hairline.

11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.

12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.

13. pokemon, n.. a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the
soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts
worn by Jewish men.

5 comments:

Rittster said...

How about these two:

Mensastruate: a highly intelligent woman who has her period whenever she's asked to take a word from the dictonary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and supplying a new definition.

And:

Retrobate (n.): A guy who gets his jollies by driving big-finned cars from the 1950's, listening to Frank Sinatra, or walking barefoot through 4" thick shag carpeting.

Richard S. Wheeler said...

Mr. Levinson's got me beat. I was once in Rita Hayworth's house in the hills above the Beverly Hills Hotel, but she had sold it to friends of mine.

Rittster said...

Here's one for the second half of the Washington Post's quiz:

beatitude, n. a posture of intellectual snobbery affected by persons who wear a goatee and read Jack Keroauc.

Rittster: Sorry to hog your comments section, Ed, but I like these word game things.

Mensa Man said...

Good stuff, I'm passing this on to British Mensa.

BB

Economist said...

Remarkable list, bookmarking.

BB