Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Movies you'll be seeing in `09

From the (apparently conservative) site Big Hollywood a look at what liberal Hollywood will be offering in 2009. A long list and very funny. I agree that movies are not only schlockier than ever they're preachier, too. I was on the treadmill the other day and caught about fifteen minutes of an old West Wing (I know, tv not movies but the same thing). Holy pontification, Batman--three way-too-serious characters standing around a table firing platitudes at each other. I remember I couldn't ever get into it when it as new. Looking at it now it belongs on Mystery Science Theater. Here are three samples of what you'll be seeing in the "octoplex."

Movies Are Your Best Entertainment Value
by Iowahawk (David Burge) Copyright 2009 Big Hollywood

Incident at Amity: Steven Spielberg directs this cerebral CGI-heavy remake of ‘Jaws’ slated for summer release. Insiders say the 34-year update will feature “additional points of view” and “be less judgmental about sharks.” Starring Willam H. Macy as the anti-shark fundamentalist, and Russell Crowe as the Great White.

Dark Spinach: Brooding, conflicted superhero sailor man (Matt Damon) must face his own inner demons and canned vegetable addiction to save his anorexic lover (Gwyneth Paltrow) in the violent screen adaptation of Frank Miller’s graphic novel. Featuring Mickey Rourke as Bluto.
High School Musical 5: Donner Pass Prom Party. Music, love, and cannibalism are in the air as the Wildcat gang gets stranded in the High Sierras. Featuring the hit Zach Cody - Melissa Vanessa duet, “I Never Thought It Could Taste So Good.”



Fred Blosser said...

I get the impression that movies about blacks, Hispanics, gays, women, and Jews somehow disturb this guy.

Anonymous said...

I agree he finds it disturbing.

Ed Gorman said...

I looked over the site and it's very conservative. I thought a lot of his bits were funny. I do agree with him about politically correct theme movies. They get mawkish and preachy. On the other hand I suspect that he was one of those guys who probably though 24 Hours was pretty keen. I've been on enough right wing blogs to know that writers there seem to think the show was somehow based on fact. But I also agree with you guys that his barbs are attacks on "secular humanism." I don't see how you can trod this planet without taking into account all of God's children.

pattinase (abbott) said...

Self-righteousness was always the curse of West Wing. Could they never be wrong about anything? Could there motives never be ambiguous?

Fred Blosser said...

It appears that "Tomahawk" also has problems with self-inflated Sundance indie movies and overrated actors like Philip Seymour Hoffman, and I have to admit, I'm with him on those scores. I don't have much time for self-righteousness on either side of the spectrum. I noticed he didn't take any shots at those lame right-wing diatribes against Michael Moore, like AN AMERICAN CAROL.

Incidentally, the real list of upcoming 2009 films is pretty dispiriting. Hollywood can't do any better than a FRIDAY THE 13TH remake, or G.I. JOE?